Just about 46 Minutes to go. It's as if I am falling at such a speed that I don't even realize it. The ground almost seems welcoming. No, its not a sad realization of being a year older, it is more about the realization of inevitability. Being a person who can't get used to things, even with a lotta difficulty, I seem to shrink instead of grow each year. The confusion rises with each new realization and the reason attains a more existential pathos. As the hands of the clock rush to meet each other in a loving hug, I sit and imagine what difference will it make. Pessimism. Cynicism. No, its not just that. i am just peeling the onion only to realize that it doesn't have a center. It's made of layers. So as I uncover each layer and accord to one more year of living, my quantitative analysis fails as I realize that there's nothing inside but a tabula rasa [blank sheet of paper].
But, then I need to write to pass this tick-tocking of the clock inside. Before the phone starts to ring and I answer it with a genuine smile, I need to know and understand this ritual of growing old. I need to fill another blank sheet to feel that I have achieved something. I need to know I still can make an impact. Even if it is on a binary code where everything is made of 1 and 0.
22 years gone. 22 minutes left. Signing off.
Belated Happy Birthday! :)
ReplyDeleteIf you think of it,growing old has a mixed feeling in you.But we all go through this confusion,into better times,regardless.. :)
Nice lines.. :)
Nikhil
hey thnks for the wish
ReplyDeleteand thnks for commenting....
and yes its a universal feeling....just wanted to articulate it ....nuthin more nuthing less!
The one form of humor that everyone thinks they understand, when actually no one really does. Truly, it is the cleverest joke ever played on mankind.
ReplyDelete